Happy Hour of the Damned by Mark Henry

From Goodreads.com:  Seattle. One minute you’re drinking a vanilla breve, the next, some creepy old dude is breathing on you, turning you into a zombie. And that’s just for starters. Now, the recently deceased Amanda Feral is trying to make her way through Seattle’s undead scene with style (mortuary-grade makeup, six-inch stilettos, Balenciaga handbag on sale) while satisfying her craving for human flesh (Don’t judge. And no, not like chicken.) and decent vodkatinis.

Making her way through a dangerous world of cloud-doped bloodsuckers, reapers, horny and horned devils, werewolves, celebrities, and PR-obsessed shapeshifters–not to mention an extremely hot bartender named Ricardo–isn’t easy. And the minute one of Amanda’s undead friends disappears after texting the word, “help” (The undead–so dramatic!) she knows the afterlife is about to get really ugly.

Something sinister is at hand. Someone or something is hellbent on turning Seattle‘s undead underworld into a place of true terror. And this time, Amanda may meet a fate a lot worse than death…

Can you write a review comprised of all quotes? Because there is no way anything I say will compare to the magic that spews from Amanda Feral’s mouth.  You know how when you see a stand up comic and they say something extremely racist but hilarious and the crowd goes “Ooooooooooooooh!”  That’s how I felt reading most of this book.  It took me forever to finish because I stopped about a million times to read aloud to my husband, who just smiled and shook his head.  The plot is really basic: Amanda’s succubus friend goes missing, Amanda finally gets around to finding her, uncovers a secret zombie plague conspiracy while sleuthing, hijinks ensue.  There is a lot of background on how Amanda and her friends became supernatural, which drags a little.  But none of that really matters because it’s when Amanda interacts with others that the real magic happens.  My God she is awful in the most hilarious way possible.  The only other character I can think of that has the same wonderful awfulness thing going on is Frank (Danny Devito) from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  99% of the words out of her mouth are cringeworthy, but brilliant! 

For example:  “A binge is a sincerely personal thing; no two are alike, at least that’s what my therapist says, and he should know, eating disorders are his specialty, not that he’s particularly good at treating them.  That is not why I saw him anyway; well it was initially.  Okay, I’ll admit, I was fucking him.” 

And another:  “’So let me get this straight, we feed on welfare recipients?’ Gross, right? Where do you find one, the Dollar Store? Jesus!

See? Awesome.  So, if you are looking for a truly hilarious yet soul-soiling experience, check out this book.  Just be sure to remove your moral compass first.

Rating: 8

 

Kindle rant:  Amanda likes footnotes…A LOT.  They are absolutely hysterical, but after the first 50 or so, you get sick of positioning the little Kindle cursor over them.  You have been warned.

 

Disclaimerlicious:  If you are looking for romance, this is not the book for you.  Two words: Zombie Sex. Ick.

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